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Hoofin' It! The wedding woes of centaurs

In which the gang is faced with the most fearsome foe: an uninvited Aunt!

Art by Nicole Gustafsson

Player Goals:

Get the niece and her bride wed and shipped off to the honeymoon
- Make sure the wedding goes off without a hitch
- Make sure nobody does anything to violate any treaties or break laws
- Make sure nobody gets hurt

—-

The abandoned temple ruins are trapped with fine, lavender and indigo gauzy fabric, fairy lights hang under ancient keystones, and it looks like the duke even shelled out for a druid because all of the trees around the pavilion are in bloom. A small band is tuning up just out of sight, preparing for the main ceremony. Duke Bulisstan has hired the Adventurer’s Guild out for a few ushers to guard her niece at her wedding. Her niece and her groom are from the Feywild, in town for the ceremony, and while the in-laws have promised to be on their best behavior, one doesn’t need to be an expert in the fey to know that guests might not get the memo.

Map Details:

Groomsmen corner
Bride corner
Groom corner
Open bar
Artist’s easel
Guest chairs

As you all step farther into the pavilion, you see a tall half-orc woman with a severe ponytail shoving her way towards you, a clipboard in her hand (Targ, the wedding planner). She wears a no-nonsense tunic with tall, Hessian boots, and looks absolutely relieved to see you.

“Are you the crew hired by Bulisstan? Fantastic. Great. Listen. Could you all grab Aunt Iggy? She’s drunk at the bar already.” And just beyond the half-orc you see an old woman that’s just a half-size too large to be humanoid with milky white eyes and a skirt that seems to be stitched of several scavenged quilts, a blackened tattoo of arcane marks over one eye. ”Oh also?” Targ says, “Somebody’s spiked the punch, and the wedding artist fell asleep in the hedges, so, unless any of you are good at painting I need you to find a new artist for the wedding portraits.”

”And once you’re done with that, I’ve heard a rumor that one of the groomsmen is going to propose to his girlfriend after the ceremony, so I need you all to shut that down. I don’t care how.”

The party can pick and choose which problem they deal with and in which order. There will also be random events that happen that might influence how the party interacts with the wedding.

If they fail to deal with 3 random events, someone will exclaim that the bride is running away!

1d8	Event
1	One of the kegs at the open bar tumbles over and crashes against the grass, broken. (performance check to settle pple down)
2	A red chromatic rose on the gifts table begins to self-immolate. (put out the fire)
3	A groomsmen struggles with the stone steps and twists an ankle. (med check)
4	A knight has come to proclaim his undying love for Astrid of the Tower and fight Hermine of the Glen. (pers check OR fight)
5	One of the cousins loudly complains that she suspects Hermine is only marrying Astrid for her money. (intim check)
6	Someone comes running out of Hermine’s alcove, exclaiming that the groomswoman of honor has thrown a shoe and does anyone have proficiency in blacksmithing tools?
7	Hermine’s mom is trying to convince Gingalain that he should include vows of servitude in his service, so Astrid knows she is to serve Hermine on their long journey. (This would mortify Hermine) (pers check OR magical silence)
8	Nobody can find the ceremonial tie of union (they can use a substitute or do an investigation check to locate it)

Mini Quests:

Everybody Hold Still - Missing Artist

💡 As the party approaches the easel, where a rough depiction of the alter is, the artist is nowhere to be found. Paints are dripping out onto the grass while brushes sit in a glass jar of pink fluid.

The party can roll an investigation check (DC 10) to determine where the artist went.
The party spies that along one column, a streak of purple. And along another, a comically large, green apple has also been painted. If they follow this trail, they’ll find the artist (a harengon named Bramble) near the punch table talking to a bumble bee. Not a magical bumble bee, a simple bee.
The artist is high out of their mind from drinking the punch. The party can assist them in a Constitution Save to try to shake the high, or they can find a different artist.
If the party chooses to find a different artist, they can investigate through the crowd. They have three tries to find one - they must roll 1d20 and beat the DC. Each time they fail, the DC gets higher.
- 1st try - DC 10
- 2nd try - DC 13
- 3rd try - DC 15
If they fail the third time, the task is considered failed and they must roll 1d8 on the Wedding Chaos Table.

—-

Little Minions - Drunk Aunty Iggy

❗ As the party approaches the old crone, she appears stone cold sober, instead offering cryptic sayings. She says that she will reward the players if they return her three “dearies” to her - Hemlock, Henbane, and Hagthorn. They are surely up to no good, and she lost track of them as soon as they all arrived.

Whack-ass shit Aunt Iggy might say:

“The laws of the feywild demand reciprocity, the bride would do well to remember.”
“The blade of the huntsman seeks a debt paid on this day.”
“I have seen the sky aflame with burning souls and I have been the one to burn them, but I have never seen such waste as with this pathetic excuse for a martini.”
“I have lived a hundred lifetimes and shared the bed of a demon lord but I have never understood the need to throw a party about it.”
“If the brides really wanted to swear an oath they should do it the old-fashioned way and fight to enslave the other for a hundred years.”

Hemlock, Henbane, and Hagthorn are all cursed elves whose spirits have been trapped in the bodies of living dolls by Aunt Iggy. These fey elves had conspired to trap Aunt Iggy in a phylactery for their own personal power draw, but badly miscalculated.
Locations of the dolls:
- Hemlock is under the punch table, with powerful fey drugs he’s been slipping into it. (4.)
- Henbane has been eaten by Gingalain. Not because she was annoying, just because. (6.)
- Hagthorn has been egging on Chad of the Old Wood to propose to his long-distance girlfriend, Sabine of the Wall. (3.)
Each player can roll an Investigation check (DC 15) to try to discern the location of each of the dolls.
Upon their return to Aunt Iggy, she will reward each of them with a small magical item.
- Pixie Dust -
  As an action, you can sprinkle this dust on yourself or another creature you can see within 5 feet of you. The recipient gains a flying speed of 30 feet and the ability to hover for 1 minute. If the creature is airborne when this effect ends, it falls safely to the ground, taking no damage and landing on its feet.
  A small packet holds enough pixie dust for one use.
- Wand of Secrets | The wand has 3 charges. While holding it, you can use an action to expend 1 of its charges, and if a secret door or trap is within 30 feet of you, the wand pulses and points at the one nearest to you. The wand regains 1d3 expended charges daily at dawn.
- Charlatan’s Die | Wondrous item, common (requires attunement), minor tier. Whenever you roll this six-sided die, you can control which number it rolls.

—-

Time and Place - Groomsman planning to propose

❗ As the party approaches the corner occupied by Hermine’s wedding party, they see a small china doll with delicate pointed ears chatting with a nervous-looking centaur, standing a bit apart from where the rest of the cohort are sharpening their blades and polishing armor. He has immaculate hair and a shinning black coat. He nods vigorously as the doll waves its arms around. You catch the end of the doll saying, “Why, it would be an honor for Astrid to have you propose, don’t you agree? Their union inspired your union! Who wouldn’t want to see their friends as happy as they are?”

The doll is Hagthorn, one of Aunt Iggy’s missing dolls, and the centaur is Chad of the Old Wood (old fighting buddy of Hermine).
The party can roll a Persuasion Check (DC10, if this is the first task, DC15, if this is the third task) to dissuade the centaur from trying to propose. Alternatively, they can challenge Chad to a duel of honor (this will force him to put off the engagement).
- If they challenge him to a duel and win, they win his family pike.
  ⚔️ 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗺

—-

Final Encounter

Suddenly, the ground starts to tremble. The fairy lights around each of the columns start to wink out, the sky darkening with sudden clouds and the distant sounds of thunder. Cries of the guests begin to ring out. Over the alter, a shining, tesselating portal opens in bright purple light, and out of it steps a hunched figure with a long, wicked scythe. “Oh no, have I ruined the special day?” It croaks in a masculine voice, red cap pulled low over twisted facial features you can only see the outlines of. “I have come for what is rightfully ours! Hermine of the Glen, you have foresworn your oath to the Queen of Air and Darkness, and now you will pay!”